With Apple fans around the world obsessing over next month’s iPhone 14 launch, one creative developer (spotted by 9to5Mac) has given us the chance to design the device ourselves.

If you’d like to indulge your fantasies of being the next Jony Ive, head over to Neal Agarwal’s website, where you’ll be given the chance to Design the Next iPhone. Starting with a portless, notchless device (which some may like to keep), it’s up to you to select additional features and drag-and-drop them wherever you like.

The chassis and screen size are set in stone, unfortunately for those who’d like to save the iPhone mini, but beyond that you get an alarmingly free hand. As well as sensible and semi-sensible options such as cameras, ports, logos and buttons, you can add the click wheel from the iPod, the Digital Crown from the Apple Watch and, er, the stand from the Pro Display XDR.

There are even a bunch of options that have never appeared on an Apple device and probably never will. Our younger readers may not recognise the rotary dial, but who wouldn’t enjoy googly eyes, a steering wheel, and a handy cup holder?

Amusingly, even this absurdist take doesn’t think a USB-C port is a realistic option for this year’s iPhone design. Bring back the headphone port? Sure. Add an HDMI port that’s literally thicker than the phone itself? No probs. But USB-C in 2022 is crazy talk.

That peculiar omission aside, this is both fun and acutely well observed. We particularly enjoyed seeing our pathetic, Homer Simpson-esque phone design presented in an Apple-style keynote video, complete with approving Tim Cook voiceover. While we wait for the iPhone 14, this is a decent way to kill half an hour imagining the absolute worst case scenario when it launches.